First Father’s Day Brings Doubts Along with Joys

Father’s Day has always been a day to appreciate and celebrate with my dad. We usually have a family dinner, brunch, or if lucky, a barbecue. Now, I am included in the mix of this father’s “appreciation” day as well. Enter the greetings cards and I’m sure a few neckties in the years to come.
As I reflect a bit, I realized that this first Father’s Day felt different because it is still hard for me to believe that I am a parent. My son is almost one. One — can you image that? So I find myself asking many questions.
Did I do everything with him that I could have? What can I do with him in the future?
Was I a good enough dad? If not, is there time for me to get better? Can I get better?
Should I have read him more books? Did I read him the right books?
Am I patient enough with him during his fussy moments?
My son can’t answer these questions in words, of course, but he shows me with his smiles and love. It is a pretty special gift for me in bonding with him every day because I am an at-home dad. That is the true gift of father’s day for me this year!
Was this year’s “Hallmark” holiday any different than my normal weekend days? Not really. My family & I got to go for a walk to the park, enjoy a lazy afternoon together, and spend some quality time. Breaking away for an hour to go for a bike ride (my first ride since Jake was born 11 months ago) was a bonus as well!
I still can’t comprehend the fact that I am a dad, but I am sure it will sink in at some point. Do any other new dads (parents) share this feeling?
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